Here I am again sitting in a dim lit room and trying to contemplate on my life. Well, this thought all started with a question I raised in a seminar facilitated by a colleague at work. A striking statement from the seminar went this way - "When you are able to do all that you've planned for the day; you will be satisfied"
I plan my day like this:
Get home and do a little chore
Surf the net
I asked the facilitator "Why is it that I've done all that I planned to do yet I'm still unsatisfied with my day?"
I really meant to say, "I'm still unsatisfied with my life..."
This feeling has been growing on me the past few days, no... the past few weeks, no... the past few months or years rather.
I really strive not to be the pessimistic type of person, but I do feel lost at times. I could say that I've lived by the rules. By rules subliminally mandated to me by other people and some which I had to live by. Which I enforced to myself like a jail-guard.
No to allergen food, no drinking, no gaining weight, no late-night outs, no clubbing (I swear not even once), not too much texting, and the list goes on and on... In fact, I've learned the skill to dodge people as well.
Now my world is so narrow that I could basically plan every single day just like my example above. So, yes, I have done whatever I planned to do...
But enacting plans don't always sum up to happiness...
I look at my past and I could say that I have done what I wanted to do... I have done what is expected of me.
So I finished a four year college degree in four years... So what? College undergrads make more money than I do working at call centers.
So I don't drink alcoholic beverages nor smoke... So what? I still feel like crap everyday!
So I tried to do give and do things right to be a good role-model (whatever the hell that means)... So what? That didn't make my parents love me.
I totally feel like Casper right now... like a ghost trapped in a hollow house.
Anyway... I'll be turning 25 in 3 months... So, what would you suggest that I do with my life to make it "satisfying"? O_o