Hello Gorgeous Reader!
I’d like to share something that I’ve been keeping off my chest for a while now. You see, I strive to be a nice person. I know that’s so overrated but still I want to be nice.
However, one of the biggest roadblock to that is the fact that I hate my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.
We were just a few months together when I talked to him about going abroad to “find greener pastures” as others would put it. We were sitting in a jeepney on to way to my place when I opened up that topic. He didn’t look at me when he answered. He reasoned that couldn’t we have a good life in our own country?. I went on talking about better opportunities and blah blah blah… Finally he said in soft voice… “are you leaving me like my ex-girlfriends?” I fell quiet because of what he said. I placed my head on his shoulder and said… “Okay… (I looked at him and smiled) I’ll never leave you. I promise. We’ll grow old together, and go fishing in your hometown.” I knew how much he’d been hurt. From that moment on, I started resenting this girl.
Occasionally, I’d have moments in our relationship where I’d feel like I’m subliminally compared to her. I didn’t like that at all. Of course, I’d want to be loved for me. Not because I remind him of someone else. I'd ask him to pretend that he’s my friend (his alter ego) and I would tell him how I felt. He would assure me that I’m different and that he chose me over her. His words and his voice were the only things that appeased my weary heart on those moments.
Time passed and months turned to years. I couldn’t recall how but I found out that his ex-girlfriend sent him a personal message informing him that she’s getting married. I don’t know but it really bothered me a lot. I mean, what’s her motive for doing that? (guess for yourself and tell me on the comments) She could have just posted a group announcement if she meant for him to know, right? Why put so much effort to tell him personally? After all they’ve already broken up and he’s with me. That kind of made me feel a little pissed… (okay, I meant a LOT) Did she even consider how that would make me feel? how her husband to be would feel? I don’t know if you’d agree but I thought it was indecent of her to do that.
Then there was the time when she tried to add me up on Facebook. Of course there are only two choices: Accept and Deny. If I accepted her request; I would be stuck in a very awkward pretentious friendship where she would subliminally bruise my self-esteem by pointing out how much better she is at everything! Then I guess she’d be telling me about all the things she knows more about him and blah blah blah… so on an so forth… That would definitely make me feel like crap!. So I say NO! I don’t like you! And I don’t want to be your friend! I guess that would have others thinking that I’m bitter or insecure. But I needed to be honest with myself.
The worst that she made me feel was when I opened a Facebook video. In that video, the only people who were tagged was my boyfriend and his sisters. (In short, only his immediate family). And then, low and behold… she was the only other person tagged to that video! Oh! If you only knew how much I wanted to trash the computer! (LOL) I was infuriated! What is she trying to point out here? That she is part of his family and that I’m the outsider? (You bi%c#!! I thought to myself.)
At that moment, all the niceness in me flew out the window. That’s the last straw, I totally HATE her!
Until this day, I’m still trying to weigh if how I feel about her is reasonable… I tried to put myself in other people’s perspective but I still feel the same. I’d ask myself: Can’t she just leave us alone? Can’t she just move on with her life? Can’t she just have a little sense of decency for herself? (if not for herself, but for her husband?)
Oh! I don’t know gorgeous reader… Am I over reacting? How would you feel if you were me?
I’d still hate her though! (evil grin) :P